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What is unconditional love

What is unconditional love

Do you know what love is? What is unconditional love?

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Love is the one of the strongest emotions a person can have. It is a tender feeling of affection that you feel for another person. Everyone seems to have his own opinion of what love is. Regardless of what definition you want to give it, when we talk about love between a man and a woman who want to spend their lives together, there are two kinds of love, conditional love, and unconditional love. In this article I will discuss what unconditional love is.

Unconditional love is when you love someone the way he or she is without rules, not the way you want him or her to be. Unconditional love is the only kind of love that fills you up. Unconditional love is when you love without expecting anything in return. It is when you love without trying to change someone’s behavior and personality.

God’s love for us, for example, is unconditional. God has given us life, food, water, brain, body, hands, eyes, health, among other things.

Unconditional love is when you love your partner without trying to affect him or her. For example, don’t get upset at your partner if he or she forgets to do something for you. You might get upset at the behavior, but not at your partner. You have to distinguish between the action and the one who takes the action. I mentioned in my book “How to win your lover’s heart” that being able to differentiate between the action and the doer is an important concept in every happy relationship. The action is something you might not like, but the doer is your partner whom you love with all of your heart and soul. This is one of the most important concepts in happy relationships and the basis of unconditional love.

Parents for example, might get upset at their child’s behavior. They might not like their son or daughter to stay out late at night, and if they do, the parents might get upset, but they don’t stop loving their children.

You should do the same to your partner. How many times have you heard men say, “I started to hate my girlfriend because she does not do this or that?” Or a woman says, “My partner doesn’t listen…” This is a problem where you have to distinguish between the action and the doer. You should dislike your partner’s action, not themselves.

Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away. How to win your lover’s heart was released by 2achieveyourgoals.com to help you win and capture your lover’s heart and avoid breakups.  To check 2achieveyourgoals.com books, click here

For more information, read:

How to save your relationship and marriage

How to build healthy relationships

6 steps to improve your relationship with your spouse

Win your lover's heart The ultimate guide to achieve your goals How to have peace of mind

34 Comments

  1. Nicely done, mate. Unconditional love can seem like such an arbitrary concept. We all like to think we practice it every day, yet we so often still hold certain expectations on the other person. I have counseled young couples who want to get married. When I ask them why they want to get married, inevitably, one of them will say, “Because she makes me feel ________” or “Because he always does _____________.” This answer concerns me because they’re both talking about a love that’s based on meeting expectations. Our society has a lot to learn about unconditional love. Thanks for sharing, bro.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Bryan,

      You are right my friend, unconditional love is not usually practiced and it is very rare. Many relationships are based on conditional love instead of unconditional love. This is why many relatioships end so fast. Many couples they even go from one relationship to another to find happiness. What they don’t know is that happiness is an internal feeling that should not depend on someone else. Thanks Bryan :)

  2. Dia,

    Good morning, man. I hope today finds you well. Congratulations on your new e-book (I don’t believe I’ve seen that before) or perhaps just congratulations on drawing my attention to it with this article. :)

    Unconditional love is a very important thing. I believe that many people confuse unconditional love with such things as lust and general caring. I think you can care for somebody and not necessarily love them. Certainly not love them unconditionally. unconditional love is rare that is very powerful when it is found. Is a type of love that would make you want the best for somebody even if it goes contrary own purposes. It is pure and it is good. thanks for writing about this. Talk to you later!

    • Dia says:

      Hi Steve,

      Thanks my friend for your kind words, I really appreciate it :)

      In regards to unconditional love, for sure it is rare. Most people don’t even know about it. Raising their awareness to it will make a huge positive difference in their lives. It is one of the major keys that help to win someone’s heart and have a lasting relationship.

  3. Great article Dia. Love is a decision. I choose to love or not to love, my it’s my call, and frankly shouldn’t be based on the action of another. Most people simply don’t get this, and therefore base their feelings on someone entirely upon that person’s supposed good or bad traits/actions/habit etc.

    Thanks for the read my friend.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Marcus,

      For sure my friend, love is a decision. You said it perfectly that loving someone is based on your choice, not their actions. Once people learn to differentiate between the person and his/her actions, their relationship would improve dramatically.

  4. Stuart says:

    You know Dia, when I first looked at this post, I thought of “The Road Less Travelled”, and what it said about unconditional love.

    I think it’s great that two different people can have differing points about what unconditional love is (you talk about loving without expectation, the book talks about a giving/receiving process), yet both speak such truth.

    Thanks for sharing Dia :-)

    • Dia says:

      Hi Stuart,

      When we love unconditionally, this is what we also receive. After all, we get what we give :)

  5. Jk Allen says:

    Dia – I love the promotion of love. We need more of it in the world. You are a great conduit to speak on this very topic.

    In my eyes – unconditional love can only come from a perfect source…not a human. The reason I say this is because as humans, we love based on conditions…so if one of those conditions was to fray and our love starts to diminish, then what we called unconditional love, wasn’t really unconditional. Because based on certain conditions, our love was affected.

    To me unconditional love is only represented by complete 100% unwavering change in love, no matter what the condition or circumstance. And, I’m not certain that that is humanly possible. The closes that I can see this being practiced is between parents (mother’s particularly) and their children. And even then – we see parents disown their own children due to choices that their children choose to make.

    I think that we, as a society utilize the word unconditional such as we use the word Perfect. The word unconditional means absolute. The word absolute means not mixed or adulterated…so basically, unconditional is more sturdy than steel…it’s finite.

    I’m a student here, Dia…so I only share this as a student to his teacher (you). I’m sharing what my learnings are of unconditional love. I get what you are sharing and think it’s a message for the masses to learn, including myself.

    Thanks for the great work that you do. I’m honored to be a member of your community here. Peace.

    • Dia says:

      Hi JK,

      Thank you for the excellent reply :) When it comes to unconditional love, most people unfortunately don’t even know that it exists and for those who do know that it does exist, most of them don’t practice it.

      I do agree with you that most of unconditional relationships that we see are between parents and their children. We have to realize also, not all parents disown their children. I know some parents who love their children no matter what happens. This doesn’t mean that they don’t get into arguments or disagreements. They do, but they don’t stop loving each other.

      Now, when it comes to lovers, a husband and a wife, if they start using “unconditional love” 90% of the time, then the chances are they would win each other’s hearts, avoid many problems, and live a happy life together.

      Some couple’s love for each other comes less than 20%, and it is mainly based on a condition, so if couples learn to increase this 20% uncoditional love to 80% or 90%, then they are on the right path. After all, perfectionism is a hard goal to achieve, but this is a different subject.

      Unconditional love is a skill that can be learned just like any other skill, but it needs practice and the best thing to start with ourselves. Just like Mahatma Gandhi says, “You must be the change you wish you to see in the world.”

      It is an honor to have you here my friend and it is an honor that we are friends :)

      • Jk Allen says:

        Dia – thanks for the great reply. you helped open my eyes further on this subject…big time. Thank you my friend.

  6. Hi Dia! Unconditional love is the way to go for all of our relationships. When we ask how can we serve others then we don’t expect anything back from them, not even love. Our own reward is spreading the love around without any agenda. There are no games involved, just love.
    Thanks for this beautiful reminder. Loving blessings!

    • Dia says:

      Hi Andrea,

      I agree my friend, we should practice unconditional love in all relationships especially with our parents, family, and children. Once we start giving unconditional love, this is what we will also get.

  7. Dia: Great post and congratulations on your book. I think understanding exactly what it means to have unconditional love is important because it can so easily be misunderstood. I appreciated what you said about unconditional love being when you love your partner and are not always trying to change them. I think some of the greatest examples of unconditional love I have seen began with acceptance of things and people the way they were. One of my favorite quotes defines love being the ability to look at imperfection and see perfection.

    • Dia says:

      Thank you Sibyl for your kind words :)

      Exactly my friend, accepting people the way they are is crucial and the ability to differentiate between them as human beings and their behaviors is crucial as well. It will help people avoid many problems. Thanks for sharing

  8. I like the way you define between love and unconditional love. Reminds be of when I was dating my hubby. He had come out of a really bad marriage and had a lot of hurt he was caring around. After dating him for (I hate to say it) but 3 years, I finally looked at him one day and said, “I love you and there really isn’t anything you can do about it. I will walk away and you can have your life, not a problem, but don’t think you can ever stop me from loving you, because that is under my control.” Needless to say he finally learned to trust love again.

    Sometimes I think it takes having kids for people to really understand what unconditional love is.

    Yes, God’s love for us is unconditional. Thank heaven or we would all be in a pickle!!

    Great post.

    Debbie

    • Dia says:

      Hi Debbie,

      Wow, what a perfect example of unconditional love. :) Yes, if children and adults as well understand what unconditional love is, life would be so different. ;)

  9. Dandy says:

    Hi Dia,
    Lovely post. You’re description of unconditional love is perfect. Unconditional love is about acceptance. Accepting the person for who they are and not changing them even if you could. Seeing their flaws as endearing. Great work Dia!

    • Dia says:

      Hi Dandy,

      Yea I agree my friend, this is what unconditional love is. Change always comes from within.

  10. Steve Youngs says:

    Hi Dia!

    The best example of unconditional love that I know of is the love a child gives… before they get old enough to have been scarred by society that is. Sadly, it’s probably the only place you’ll ever see it. Hopefully most parents love their children unconditionally, but even then it’s not a given.

    The problem unconditional love has is that it goes against what is human nature, and that is that humans are inherently selfish. It’s not an altogether bad thing, it’s just what we are.

    Kind regards,
    Steve

    • Dia says:

      Hi Steve,

      Yea I agree with you that the love of a child gives, especially when the child is young in unconditional. In regards to parents, I know many parents in my life that love their children unconditionally, however, these are the minority. It is a skill like any other skill it has to be nurtured as much as possible.

  11. rob white says:

    This is a big topic, Dia. Well done. Love in the English language is word that has been injured by the world voice. Unconditional love is more akin to friendship and compassion and extends to all sentient beings. Romantic and conditional love is a slippery slope that leads to suffering and anguish. When we learn to love unconditionally our hearts are as big as the ocean and accepting of everyone as they are.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Rob,

      I agree my friend, when we learn to love unconditionally, we are accepting people for who they are. It is such as a good feeling to have a heart as big as the ocean :)

  12. Frank says:

    The best way to clearly define what exactly unconditional love is to experience it for yourself. To be a recipient of unconditional love is almost indescribable. It is a humbling endeavor. For someone to love you in spite of all of your shortcomings, failures, and mistakes takes a special quality that not all people possess. Love without requirements and preconceived notions and the world will be forced to be a better place.

    This was a great post Dia.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Frank,

      Exactly my friend, to be a recipient of unconditional love is undescribable. If we love without a requirement, how life would be? A great place ;)

  13. Evelyn says:

    Hi Dia,

    Great post!

    We need more love in this world today. We are only unconditionally loved by our close family and maybe a few friends.

    It is wonderful to know that God loves and accepts us just as we are, no matter what. It takes people a little longer to catch on to that one, but when it catches on it is truly a beautiful thing.

    Take care,

    Evelyn

    • Dia says:

      Hi Evelyn,

      Exactly my friend, we all need unconditional love especially from our parents, partners, and children. Once we learn to love unconditionally, and we can, our lives would improve for the better.

  14. Dia nice topic to throw in the open here. But I do have some strong

    clarifications to make from my own little experience so far in this journey of

    life and love.

    “Unconditional love is when you love someone the way he or she is without rules,

    not the way you want him or her to be. Unconditional love is the only kind of

    love that fills you up. Unconditional love is when you love without expecting

    anything in return. It is when you love without trying to change someone’s

    behavior and personality.”

    That was taken from the post and later on you mentioned this;

    “Unconditional love is when you love your partner without trying to affect him or

    her. For example, don’t get upset at your partner if he or she forgets to do

    something for you. You might get upset at the behavior, but not at your partner.

    You have to distinguish between the action and the one who takes the action.”

    So here is my point, if unconditional love is not trying to change someone’s

    behaviour and personality, then why should one be angry at the behaviour or

    action since unconditional love is supposed not to bother about changing

    behaviours and personalities? Shouldn’t we just overlook the actions or

    behaviours of our partners we don’t like because we love them unconditionally and

    shouldn’t try to change the behaviours or actions we don’t like?

    In my view, unconditional love is just as you pointed out, hate the action or

    behaviour and not the person. And because you hate the action or behaviour, you

    do something about it because you love the person and can’t stand watching the

    negative action or behaviour destroy the person.But to say that unconditional

    love is not trying to change behaviours and personalities is not completely

    correct because even God clearly has laid down rules for us to follow. He doesn’t

    stop loving us when we don’t follow those rules, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t

    want us to live our lives by those rules. He keeps reminding us of how important

    it is to change our behaviours to suit the rules he has laid down. Remember, for

    God so loved the world that he sent [did something about it] his only begotten

    son to die for the sins [negative actions or behaviours of the world]. He didn’t

    overlook or not try to change the behaviour. He did something, while still loving

    unconditionally.

    Unconditional Love is possible. I agree totally. But unconditional love is not

    overlooking bad or negative behaviours or actions in the name of love. If the

    actions of your partner is hurting you, unconditional love warrants that you

    address the behaviour and point out to your partner why it is important to change

    such a nefarious behaviour. It doesn’t mean you have to be quiet and let the

    negative behaviour continue, that’s not unconditional love, that’s foolishness.

    Because even God outwardly complains about our sins in spite of his unconditional

    love for us. Unconditional love is not submitting or tolerating evil, it is

    pointing out the alternative to evil – GOOD, without hating the evil doer!

    I have a girlfriend that I love so very much. I love her for who she is. In fact,

    i would say I love her spirit. But then, I notice she is not so great when it

    comes to her academics. She still needs some major improvements in that area, do

    I now say because I love her unconditionally that I should not point out the need

    for her to improve? Or I shouldn’t expect her to CHANGE that behaviour or action

    of not consciously making out time to learn, all because I love her

    unconditionally?

    NO!

    The unconditional love should be absolute enough to make me hang in there and

    keep encouraging her to work on improving herself academically. The unconditional

    love should make me see the better person she is capable of becoming once she

    begins to take the pain to work on herself. The real meaning of unconditional

    love is this;

    LOVING A PERSON LONG ENOUGH AND SINCERE ENOUGH THAT YOUR LOVE FOR THEM INSPIRES A

    POSITIVE CHANGE OF BEHAVIOUR. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS THE KIND OF LOVE THAT

    INSPIRES GENUINE CHANGE. THE LEVEL OF THE LOVE INSPIRES THE ONE BEING LOVED

    UNCONDITIONALLY TO WANT TO RETURN THE LOVE AND IN SO DOING, THEY BECOME BETTER IN

    THE PROCESS. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS NOT KEEPING SILENCE OVER EVIL. IT IS FIGHTING

    EVIL WITH UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS TAKING UNCONDITIONAL ACTIONS

    TO MAKE POSITIVE CHANGE HAPPEN WHERE EVIL THRIVES.

    AFTER ALL, LOVE IS AN ACTION WORD AND NOT A PASSIVE WORD.YOU ARE NOT LOVING

    UNCONDITIONALLY FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH REASON, YOU ARE LOVING UNCONDITIONALLY FOR

    THE GOOD OF THE OTHER PERSON. THAT IS THE ‘UNCONDITIONAL’ CLAUSE BEHIND YOUR LOVE

    -ASKING FOR NOTHING IN RETURN OTHER THAN FOR THE ULTIMATE GOOD OF THE OTHER

    PERSON. MEANING, THE CHANGE YOU SEEK IS NOT ABOUT YOU, BUT FOR THE OTHER PERSON.

    THIS IS WHAT I PERCEIVE TO BE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE -HANGING THERE FOR AS LONG AS

    YOU CAN TILL YOU SEE CHANGE HAPPEN IN THE LIFE OF ANOTHER WITHOUT ASKING FOR

    ANYTHING IN RETURN!!!

    • Dia says:

      Hi Tito,

      Wow, that is a longest reply that I have ever seen so far in a post :D and I thank you for it :)

      Here is my reply to you:

      We can’t change the behavior of our parents, partners, or anyone. Change comes from within. We can advice them, guide them, encourage them, but then it is up to them to change. Change doesn’t come by force, it comes from the person him/herself.

      Yes, I agree with you that we have to point out the negative behaviors and the wrong doings, but at the end it is up to this person to accept our advice or not. It is up to the person to change or not. This doesn’t have to do with the way we love them. We love them regardless.

      Now, if a wife doesn’t like, for example, that her husband drinks alcohol, she can advice him, encourage him, support him, but she can’t make him change. If he listens to her and accepts her advice, then of course it is great. However, what happens if he doesn’t? Should she stop loving him? Now, the answer to this depends on the woman. Some women for example, would stay with a husband who does “wrong” or “negative” behaviors, others don’t. If her husband doesn’t change, she has two choices, either she stays with him and accepts it or leave and move on.

      I have seen many parents for example, don’t like the behavior of their children for whatever reason. They guide them, advice them, support them, but at the end, what it comes to is the child him or herself. If the child doesn’t change his negative behavior, does it mean the parents should stop loving their children? Of course not. Love is a choice, you can love a person regardless even if you don’t like their behavior.

      As I said, we can point our the negative behaviors, guide them, advice them, but it is up to the person to change. To love a person unconditionally, we love them regardless of their behaviors and actions. I hope this cleares it. :)

      I liked your last paragraph and I agree uncondtional love is about the other person, not us

      By the way, watch for my article on change, hopefully this week :)

      • The point is clear, what I pointed out was the need to make the other person see the possibility of better life. Of course, they own the final decision. But we must never let go no matter how adamant they may seem, love truly can make a difference, if we hang in there long enough, my believe is that our unconditional love will spark a desire for them to change for the better. If they eventually refuse to change, they wouldn’t say we didn’t try on our own part. Then they can say, he/she loved me enough to have putting up with me for this long despite my wrongs.

        • Dia says:

          Right on bro, if they don’t change, at least they know that we loved them despite their negative behaviors and actions.

  15. Walter says:

    Seldom can we really see love that is true such as unconditional love. People have become selfish these days and think only of their own convenience. I wonder what makes it so?

    Thanks for this timely reminder. :-)

    • Dia says:

      Hi Walter,

      I agree with you, nowadays it is hard to come across unconditional love. Imagine how life would be if we all show and give unconditional love. Life would be different, wouldn’t it? :)

  16. Hi there. Well, yeah. I agree with Walter. It’s really really difficult to find and get an unconditional love these days. Too many selfish people now. Even when at the beginning it looked like an unconditional love, in the end, there’s something behind it. Too bad actually.
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