75 Warning signs you’re headed for a divorce.
Note: This is a guest post by Debbie from Happy Maker Now
- You put your career before your marriage. A human being in many ways is like a business. They make profits and suffer losses. The ultimate currency is not the money or material things, but the love and happiness of two people working together in life.
- Being too busy to talk to each other daily. Conversation can yield more pleasure and meaning, and is of more value than extra money in the bank. The memories built by conversation are for a life time the money is for the next generation.
- Your marriage is just about the kids. Work on your togetherness without the children once a week. Marriage is for a life time; children grow up and lead their own lives.
- When in a disagreement the word divorce keeps coming up. What we verbalize can materialize. By using the word divorce it always brings the possibility of it happening.
- You haven’t learned to say, “I’m sorry.” I’m sorry” doesn’t mean you’re wrong, it means that you care. Caring shows love for one another when they feel we made a mistake.
- You can’t admit that you are or could be wrong. It takes a very loving person to admit they are wrong. It takes a selfish person to never admit they have done or said something wrong.
- You haven’t learned each other’s love language. We all have a love tank. It can be through “Words of Affirmation, Quality Time Together, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service or Physical touch. If our spouse isn’t showing love in the right language, we may not feel their love.
- Using hurtful words when in an argument. Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words are never forgotten. Name calling does not get a point across.
- Not eating your meals together. Meals are for sharing time together and talking about how each other’s day went. When we don’t eat together we don’t always share together.
- Never going to bed at the same time. Going to bed together can bring passion to the bedroom. Don’t just sleep in the same bed, share the bed.
- Not saying, “I Love You” at least once a day. Everyone likes to hear the words
“I Love You.” If they are not spoken you begin to wonder if you are loved. - Not sharing a kiss and hug daily. Let’s face it everyone needs hugs. After all you never know what those hugs and kisses can lead too. Have some fun and give it a try.
- Not doing little things for each other. What I mean by little things is something for your spouse to drink when you get yourself something. Little love notes let them know you are thinking of them. Never under estimate the power of “acts of kindness.”
- Expecting your partner to be like your father or mother. Our mothers and fathers were our comfort zone as a child. We may pick someone that has the same qualities, but everyone is their own person.
- Verbal and emotional abuse. We want to build our spouse up, so they can be all they are meant to be. When we put them down in any way, such as “your lazy”, “why can’t you do anything right”, “how stupid is that” and the list goes on this is abuse.
- Fiscal abuse. We all know that being fiscally abusive is not an act of love. This goes for both spouses.
- Fighting about money matters. Financial security is important, but not as important as emotional wealth. Find the middle ground and discuss how you both feel about money and what you expect from one another.
- Fighting about parenting. We are all raised by different parents. Find out what each other’s values are and work together. If there is a disagreement in parenting, never discuss it in front of the children.
- Someone having an affair. There is no excuse for this! If you don’t like your spouse than get out of the relationships. How many people are you really hurting for your own pleasure?
- Sexual problems. This is probably something from your past. Do some soul searching; there is an answer to every problem.
- Not discussing your feeling. When we don’t discuss our feeling they just build until the dam breaks. It is very important to get those little things out of the way before they become big things.
- Letting resentments simmer and not talking about them. When someone hurts us we need to talk it out. If it is not discussed they will make the same mistake again. Don’t let things build so you resent your spouse.
- Lack of communication- Communicating our feeling and emotions are what makes a relationship grow into something even more loving and beautiful.
- Intellectual incompatibility. Even if you don’t understand your spouse’s work, let them talk about it, so you can learn. We feel alone when we don’t share this part of our life with our spouse.
- Interference from parents or in-laws. It is OK to ask for advice from family members, but when it comes to making decisions it is between the two of you. Not outsiders!
- Abuse with drugs or alcohol. When using drugs and alcohol you become a different person. These products will consume your life and it is a deal breaker if continued.
- Not allowing personal growth by a partner. Everyone deserves to grow and be the best they are meant to be. When a spouse gets in the way of personal growth they are controlling their loved ones life.
- Differences in future goals or not having any goals. “When you are not on the same page the book will falls apart.” Know before the “I Do’s” what you want for your future.
- Laziness (couch potato). It is a partnership and if one person is pulling all the weight, the load gets to heavy. You have to pull together to balance the weight.
- Sloppy and don’t pick up after yourself. When we do this to a spouse we make extra work for them. This will take away from a couple’s together time.
- Becoming a slob. We all want to feel proud when walking down the street with our love. When we don’t take care of ourselves that tells our spouse, “Hey I have you now it doesn’t matter”.
- Not having good hygiene. I hate when this happens! Have you ever gotten into an evaluator with some one that forgot to use deodorant? Do you really want to kiss someone that doesn’t brush there teeth?
- Religious beliefs. When we have the same spiritual beliefs, our values will match each other much better.
- Cultural or life style differences. This is our comfort zone in many ways. If these are different it can be like trying to live and adapt to foreign country.
- Criminal behavior. This is like living a lie. You are always trying to stay one step ahead of the law. A spouse will loss all respect for you, besides being dangerous for them.
- Lack of self-esteem. Low self-esteem leads to jealous, or lack of trust, because you feel you are not worthy of being loved.
- Always negative with your attitude. This is a downer for anyone around you. It brings people down, like a dark cloud always hanging over your head.
- Overwhelming expectations of what marriage is. Marriage is not just about love, it is working together as partners in the good times and hard times. It does need watering and weeding.
- Not working at staying in love. Love grows deeper with time when we do water and weed the garden. Without this it will wither away in time.
- To tired for sex because of all those headaches. This one is old and if you are using it you do have a sexual problem to deal with. Sex is something that is special, because it is just you and your spouse.
- Keeping secrets. When we share our life with someone there should be no surprises or secrets that surface. Secrets do have a way of showing up when we least expect it.
- Forgetting about your sex life. Do not get so busy that you forget to take the time for this very special bond between two people.
- Finding fault with your partner. No one is perfect not even you. Smile at those faults and see the humor in them. You never know when you might really miss them if your spouse wasn’t there anymore.
- Always criticizing your partner. This will destroy your spouse’s self-esteem. Do you like criticized?
- Asking family or friends for advice, not asking your partner. It is good to ask for advice, but your spouse should be the first one on your list. ( Unless you need advice about your spouse)
- Ignoring our bad habits that can bother our spouse. When this comes up, because of love we should want to please our spouse. If something really needs changing try to change the habit.
- Lying will destroy any marriage in time. Lies will surface sooner or later. This is like building your marriage on sand not solid rock.
- Speaking harshly to each other. This can be more like a parent child relationship. You are always trying to teach them something. Remember you are in a partnership.
- Going into marriage thinking it is going to be perfect. There is no such thing as perfect. All good things take hard work.
- Taking your spouse for granted. “My partner always understands!” Wrong thinking, everyone has options.
- Never saying a simple “Thank You.” This is a sign of appreciation. Isn’t it nice when you are thanked for an act of kindness?
- Losing your interest in sex and intimacy. There is a problem in the making, get to the bottom of it before it is too late.
- Nagging. When we need some help getting things done around the house there is a good way to ask and nagging is not one of them. “When you have time” is a good way to start.
- Always blaming your spouse or someone else instead of taking responsibility. The good old blame game wears out quickly. Everyone is responsible for their actions and choices.
- Embarrass or humiliating your spouse in public. Do you like it when someone puts you down if front of others? If you partner does something you’re not sure of, talk about it when you are home alone.
- Humiliating remarks about one’s spouse. Do not go to your friends and belittle your spouse, talk to them directly if you have a problem about something.
- Being bossy or disrespectful. You are not the boss. Marriage is an equal partnership and we need to treat each other with respect when we have a different opinion about something.
- Drinking and flirting at social functions. This is embarrassing to a spouse and showing little or no respect for them.
- Lack of social manners. When we are with other people we want to feel proud of our spouse. If you have a problem with social manners this is something you can learn and change.
- Taking life to serious. Life is meant to have fun. When we take it to serious we become boring.
- Don’t know how to be a kid again. This goes along with being too serious. Let that kid out at times. Dance in the rain or splash in the puddles.
- Not having a sense of humor. There is always something humorous to laugh about. Learn to lighten up and enjoy the moment.
- Bigamy, this one will get you there fast every time. No spouse wants to share you with someone else. If you can’t be with just one person, maybe you should stay single.
- Losing your spouse’s trust. We can lose our spouse’s trust with an affair, lies or by breaking the bank. Trust is something that is hard to earn back.
- Over reacting in a disagreement. Disagreements are a time to learn from each other. Staying calm and talking about differences helps our growth.
- Hanging onto baggage from the past. De clutter. We learn from the past and then we leave it there. End of story.
- Desertion, being too busy for your spouse and traveling too much for the job. This will turn into loneliness for your spouse. To build something strong we have to spend time with each other.
- Marriage at a young age. Do we really know what we want at a young age or are we just infatuated with being married.
- Marrying after knowing someone a short time. Relationships take time to build and getting to really know one another.
- Jealousy is a sign of low self-esteem in many ways. Jealous shows a lack of trust. Nothing solid can be built if there is no trust.
- Being married to someone whose parents have been divorced. Coming from parents that have been divorce we feel, “Hey divorced worked for them, so if this doesn’t work for me I can get out.” You may not work as hard to make your marriage work.
- Always being defensive. This will wear a spouse out! It shows low-self esteem and NO sense of humor. Stop taking everything so serious.
- Not knowing when and how to listen. Everyone wants to be listened too. We have to learn to be a good listener. Know when to talk and when to listen.
- And of course the last one is getting involved with pornography. This takes away the intimacy with your partner. It is all about you! It works just like drugs or alcohol can, it takes over your life.
- Marriage is tough, yes, but it’s worth it. So, what are you waiting for? Hurry, up and get started. Refer to these warning signs, so you’re not the next one headed for divorce.
Note: This is a guest post by Debbie from Happy Maker Now
Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away. How to win your lover’s heart was released by 2achieveyourgoals.com to help you win and capture your lover’s heart and avoid breakups. To check 2achieveyourgoals.com books, click here
For more information, read:
How to nurture a relationship?
How to mend a broken relationship?
Emotional security in a relationship
Wow Debbie this quite an insightful and impressive list. Yes indeed, Marriage is a co-creation that requires co-responsibility. If we hold onto attitudes of blame the situation will only get worse and worse. When we look deeply into the nature of our relationships we can see the seeds we have watered and thus take responsibility.
Thank you Rob. Marriage is a co-creation and it does require responsibility for each person. The communication does get out all the weeds that can grow if not tended to after watering.
Marriage is a wonderful union when we work at it and want it to survive. Thanks again, I appreciate you sharing your thoughts.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
Debbie,
Thoughtful and accurate list. The common theme throughout is “disengagement.” When we stop trying and stop caring, then marriages can easily begin to drift apart.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom,
Alex
Hi Alex,
“Disengagement” is a very good word to use. Marriage is like life it’s self, we always have to stay in the game. When we stop trying it will fall apart.
Thank you Alex, for sharing and adding to the post, I do appreciate your imput.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Thank you for post! Great insight and great list. It takes nurturing and caring to make a marriage work and last. Thanks again
Dia recently posted..Dealing with Incident stress
Hi Dia,
You are welcome and thank you many bunches for giving me the opportunity for this guest post. You make me feel special.
Hugs and blessing to you,
Debbie
Debbie,
An amazing list!
When you write them all done like that…no wonder marriage is hard work!
Andrew
P.S. I have been married to Joy for almost 27 years now…so I must be doing something right!
Andrew @ Blogging Guide recently posted..How To Avoid Product Failure
Hi Andrew,
Yes, marriage can be hard work, but it sure is worth the work. After 27 years you are doing something right I would say. And I bet the hard work is worth every minute. LOL
Thank you for sharing Andrew,
Debbie
Wow scarey list! after being married a looooooong time,(30 years) some of those come up from time to time. Still, they don’t come up day after day or year after year. so, I think we are ok. Good job Debbie
Sorry Michelle, I didn’t mean to make it scary, but hey maybe it will help someone. Sound like you are doing everything right and that is wonderful. I think you are ok too.
thank you for sharing, it is appreciated,and may your marriage always be blessed with happiness.
Debbie
WOW – Debbie -
I think we have all been guilty of at least several of these in our marriage.
Scary list. Much needed.
Things do add up.
Good work here.
Corinne Edwards recently posted..LOTTERY TICKET – FIRST TIME BUYER
Hi Corinne,
Yes, things can add up when it comes to marriage or even relationships. It is like a kitchen if we don’t clean up after using it the stuff can really pile up and we have a mess.
Didn’t mean to scare anyone, just want them to pay attention, so they can have fun in there marriage and enjoy it like it is meant to enjoy.
Thank Corinne for sharing your thoughts.
Hugs and blessing to you,
Debbie
Wow – if an alien reads this list and it’s his (or her?) first exposure to marriage … marriage will not be an instant export from Earth … lol … Of course, on the upside, if they don’t know about marriage on alien planets, they also don’t have to defend it in courts against people who want to see the idea expanded to include all races, religions and genders.
Maybe the high divorce rate is but an indication of the large number of people who would even divorce from themselves, if given the opportunity.
- Beat
Beat Schindler recently posted..Sex Imagination Creation
You made me laugh. Thanks Beat!! That was good. Your point is very good. I do believe some people would divorce themselves if they thought it would be possible. I have a few ralatives that I wouldn’t mind divorcing. LOL
Maybe if a large number of people read my list they would see what they are doing wrong! Just a thought LOL!
Thanks you many bunches for the humor. Always count on that with you.
Hugs and blessing to you.
Debbie
Hi Debbie,
Being that I have seen so many divorces growing up your list really resonates with me. I think it’s all about prioritizing what’s most important in our lives. Relationships should be number one on the list.
Justin | Mazzastick recently posted..Make Money Online Through Blogging
I to have seen many divorces and my own was one of them. One think that I didn’t do was pay big attention to the red flags while dating.
You have to pick the right person and someone that you know will work with you. Sometimes we get caught with the rose colored glasses and don’t realize it until it is to late.
My goal is to help others from making the mistakes I have when it comes to love and relationships. Get them at the starting gate if at all possible. LOL
Thank you for sharing Justin. And many blessing to you.
Debbie
Wow! Amazingly comprehensive list! I think your list should be mandatory reading to every marrying couple! So many love-detroying behaviors that can rob marriage life of joy. Your list can also be looked at as a reverse guide of what TO do: DON”T be a slob. DO kiss and hug daily. Etc.
It has always seemed to me that the biggest underlying cause of so much of the dissatisfaction that is experienced by far too many married people can be chalked up to selfishness. The more “me” oriented we are in marriage, the less happy the marriage will be. The more “we” oriented we are, the more some of the warning signs on your list will be naturally avoided.
Having said that, I do believe marriage takes work. There will be hard times, dry spells and diharmony. I think a commitment not only to the person you larry, but also to the institution of marriage, to its importance, can help us get over the dry spells when love and psssion seem distant memories.
Nicely done, Debbie!
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Thank you Ken. You are right we you speak of the “me” and “we”. To work marriage has to be about the we and building together. There is no place in marriage for selfishness.
It does take hard work, but it sure is worth it to always have that safe place to fall at the end of the day.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and thanks for the kind words. Those are always appreciated.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
That’s a long list! I think it’s maybe easier for others to see a lot of those than seeing them in yourself. You may not realize you’re being hurtful or disrespectful if you’re caught up in the day to day but others may. It’ll be 7 years married in a couple of months for me, it’s flown by!
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Hi Joel,
7 years good for you. We don’t like to see thing about ourselves sometimes. And we do get caught up in the day to day stuff. Sometimes I think it would be good to record ourselves talking to our spouse and then we can really hear what we sound like and if we like how we come across. Could we a little scary, but we sure would learn a lot. Thank you for sharing and blessing to you.
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..Do You Make This Mistake with your relationships?
Debbie,
This is a great post! I think it’s so helpful that you might consider breaking these down and doing a more in-depth post series about the root causes of some of these things. It would be really beneficial to a lot of people!
Great work, my friend!
Steve Rice recently posted..Getting to Know Intuition
Thank you Steve. That is a pretty good idea Steve. I could break them down and do some post on the really important ones. Thank you many bunches for the feed back. It is really appreciated and I am always open to learn and love others ideas.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..Do You Make This Mistake with your relationships?
Those are all SO important! And I did see a few on there that I need to pay more attention to, myself.
Great post!
Jeanine
Jeanine Byers Hoag @ Dressing My Truth recently posted..The 3 in 30 Challenge: June Goals – How did you do this month?
Hi Jeanine,
I think there are a few in there that we all need to pay attention to. After all none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. It is amazing how much I learned by putting that post together. Thank you for stopping by. It is always appreciated.
Blessing,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..Do You Make This Mistake with your relationships?
Hi Debbie!
Important message here – and I can’t imagine that you’ve missed a thing!
It’s too bad that divorce is more popular than marriage these days. It’s my hope that the statistic changes over the next few years – because if not – we’re doomed!
Blessings!
Jk Allen recently posted..What A Trip to Disney World Taught me About Experiencing Life, Money and Creating Memories
Hi JK,
I tried not to miss anything. If I did I was hoping someone would let me know.
I believe divorce is very popular these day, because rather then work on the marriage, people think it easier just to walk away from it. I do believe it is becoming a very serious situation.
Thank you Jk for sharing your thoughts, I do appreciate you taking the time.
Blessing always,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..Do You Make This Mistake with your relationships?
Being married for 15 years and now separated, I can completely understand this list. When you find yourself just going through the motions and not having fun anymore…it’s not only time to do an evaluation of the marriage itself, but also a self-evaluation. Thank you for this list..
Kenya recently posted..Have You Asked Your Angels About That
Hi Kenya,
Marriage is alot of work and I believe we do have to take time to evaluate it and ourselves every once in awhile. To me communication is one of the very important parts of marriage. If the communication breaks down, then we have know idea what each other are feeling or thinking. That is always very important. We can’t solve problems if we don’t know what the problem is. To me if you have both parties willing to communicate you can come up with a good solution and maybe just work things out.
Thank you for sharing and if you do need someone to talk to let me know. Seperation is has hard as divorce. Wishing the the best and hoping you can work through your problems and situation.
Blessing to you Kenya,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..Do You Make This Mistake with your relationships?
Debbie,
This is a gret post because reading our list, I have gone “hmmmm” a few times since I might have needed these tips in order to avoid getting divorced.
Krizia
Women Entrepreneurs HQ Show
Krizia | Women Entrepreneurs HQ Show recently posted..Starting a business in spite of fear with Melanie Yost
We’re about to hit 26 years but its so easy to drift into No 50 – take your spouse for granted. Never, never never!
David @ Great Confidence recently posted..Self Confidence
Don’t be a victim of a sudden change of mood in a relationship. You should really be aware of everything. It might prevent the possible thing that might happen from really happening.
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Hi Krizia,
Thank you Krizia, I hope they can help. sure don’t want to see a divorce. they are not fun.
Blessing to you,
Debbie
Debbie @ Happy Maker recently posted..How to Shake it Off and Step Up in 5 Minutes
Although it looks like a code error I think its apt that “lack of communication” is in a larger font, if you read the list through, while its useful to highlight some of these as individual things, that actually covers off most of the other items on the list!
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Hi Debbie,
This is the kind of list to print out and check over each night before going to sleep. It’s so easy to veer off course and start taking each other for granted. Excellent job!
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Hey Debbie,
I’d definitely be aware of the points you said here. I’ll totally take care of this totally new marriage, it’s like a new life again to me but I’m really happy I’m now married.
Tyrone recently posted..The Truth about Outsourcing
You have a nice list here! What most couples forget after the marriage is the way how they can grow together. Not unlike when they are still bf/gf of each other. They make sure that they’re aware of each other’s feelings, they do almost all tasks together, etc., etc. Too busy, no constant communication and other problems may arise if couples will move to their path without holding the hand of their partner.
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