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How approval seeking increases your worry?

How approval seeking increases your worry?

Do you seek approval constantly?  Do you depend on others for your self esteem?  How approval seeking increases your worry and anxiety? 

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People especially children, teens, and young adults seek approval constantly and many worry that they won’t get it.  People want to be liked and they want to fit in with their group.  Peer pressure is one of the main reasons of approval seeking, which usually causes many people excessive worry and anxiety if they don’t learn how to control their thoughts and emotions and learn to look for the positive in situations and events.

Example of approval seeking

Kelly will start going to her new job tomorrow.  She worries if her colleagues and her new boss will like her.  Anxiety and worry are filling up her head.  In fact, Kelly has spent the last three days focusing on nothing except what she will do if no one likes her.  She needs the approval of people so badly that she can’t sleep at night.

What Kelly is doing she is saying if her boss and colleagues don’t like her, she is going to collapse if she doesn’t get their approval.  Worrying too much about what people think of her is affecting Kelly’s well being. 

As I mentioned in my book “How to overcome worry and have peace of mind” that most people want approval, which is fine. However, when seeking approval gets to be a need rather than a want, then it will start affecting your life in a negative way and you will not be able to have peace of mind. 

Approval seeking causes anxiety and worry

To learn how to stop worrying if you don’t get people’s approval, follow the below steps:

1.  Build your confidence

It is known that lack of confidence contributes to anxiety and worry.  The chances are if you are not confident doing a certain task, you will start worrying over it.  One of the best ways to tackle such issue is by working on learning the necessary skills needed for the task.

When you have strong confidence in yourself, it won’t matter to you that everyone must like and accept you.  You would know that some people will like you and some won’t, which is perfectly fine.  

By accepting the fact that not everyone is going to like you, you would save yourself a great amount of worry. 

2.  Improve your social skills

One of the best ways to stop needing people’s approval is by building and improving your social skills.  When I was a teenager back in the early 1990s, I didn’t have good social skills.  I used to worry excessively over what I will say when I meet new people for the first time, which is one of the main reasons I got into personal development back in 1998 and started studying ways to overcome worry and anxiety.   

As I improved and enhanced my social skills, I started to worry a lot less, started to engage in conversations with new people and began to have peace of mind.   

3.  Learn positive programming

One of the best ways to stop seeking approval is to believe in your opinion and always look for the positive in situations and events.  If someone doesn’t like you or like something you do, then learn to accept it and be comfortable with that. 

Instead of worrying that someone doesn’t like you and getting all stressed over it, you can think of the situation as it is something healthy. 

4.  Love yourself unconditionally

If you love yourself unconditionally, then it doesn’t matter what others think of you.  You have to believe that you are a true gift from God and you have great potential.  You are lovable for no other reason than you are a human being.  You are a live on this earth to fulfill a great cause and purpose.  Make the most out of yourself and always think of yourself as unique human being.

Have you ever wondered why some people are happy and have peace of mind while others keep worrying?  Why do some people’s life filled with worry while others filled with happiness and peace of mind?  My e-book How to overcome worry answers those questions and teaches you the scientific ways to control and overcome worry and have peace of mind.

For more information, read:

What is type A personality?

How to overcome fear of failure?

How to deal with stress?

Win your lover's heart The ultimate guide to achieve your goals How to have peace of mind

18 Comments

  1. Jaky Astik says:

    Approval seeking is a very usual form of inferiority complexion. You should take permission when needed but asking for censoring approval is bad as they may not know what’s good for you as much as you do.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Jaky,

      I think we all want approval seeking in someway, the problem is when it comes to be a need rather than a want. This is when it starts to be harmful for us and will cause us to worry if we don’t get their approval. Thanks Jaky
      Dia recently posted..Emotional security in a relationship

  2. Jk Allen says:

    Dia – great stuff here! I think this is an area that many of us (ok, let me speak for myself) deal with. We want approval – in one form or another. I think what this does, as you shared is create worry within us. We end of thinking about how we should be, and then we think we’re not fulfilling that. That then leads to dwindled confidence and self-doubt.
    I think your tips were great Dia! Thank you for sharing!
    Jk Allen recently posted..What is a Hustler- and why it’s NOT for Everyone

    • Dia says:

      Hi JK,

      Yep, approval seeking causes many of us worry and anxiety as many get affraid that they don’t get it. We have got to stop “needing” approval. It is ok if we want it, as most of us do, but needing it is a different story. Thanks JK
      Dia recently posted..Emotional security in a relationship

  3. Dandy says:

    Very nice article Dia! Seeking approval surely increases worry. Your advice is spot on. When we think highly of ourselves then there is no need to seek approval. Just today someone made a snide remark to me. In the past that would have upset me very much. But because of my positive attitude and self-love it rolled off my back. I don’t need approval and it feels great to say that & mean it:) Thanks Dia!
    Dandy recently posted..How to Survive Adversity and Yes- Even Thrive!

  4. Hi Dia!
    It’s been a while, but I’m glad to see that your writing is as great as ever! :-) You make a great point in saying that it’s normal for us to want the approval of others, but the key is to develop tools that will help us effectively deal with not being accepted, as this will of course sometimes happen. Great advice!
    Tisha | What Matters Right Now recently posted..Find Your Spark- Interview with Tawanna Browne Smith of Moms Guide to Travel

  5. John Sherry says:

    You know your subject well Dia. I was a very approval driven guy when young but it just got me more confused as everyone had different views so who do I choose to be approved by? In the end this led me to chucking it all in and listening to my own self, my gut reactions, feelings and thoughts. We may need validation in life that our place in the world is accepted, but approval to live and be who and what we are are ours and ours alone to give. WE are the powers that be!! Be blessed my friend.
    John Sherry recently posted..Who Do You Surround Yourself With

    • Dia says:

      Hi John,

      For sure my friend, the real approval is ours to give. This is why we should stop “needing” approval from others. If someone doesn’t like something about us, that is fine. Not everyone has to like us, the key is respect. Thanks John
      Dia recently posted..Emotional security in a relationship

  6. Touching post Dia. I’m learning to be more comfortable in my own skin. This lesson is bringing less worry and more peace into my life for sure.

    Alex

  7. Frank says:

    Dia,

    When a person is seeking approval from someone else it takes the focus off of doing the wise thing and getting to know and love themselves. Your tips are timely and effective and I thank you for sharing them.
    Frank recently posted..A Person without Self Control is Like a City Without Walls

  8. Galen Pearl says:

    Getting older takes care of a lot of this problem!
    Galen Pearl recently posted..Night of the Skunk

  9. A good topic. Being constrained by other’s opinion promotes unnecessary resentment and guarantees that you will play life small and not realize your potential. Wishing you the best.

    Riley
    Riley Harrison recently posted..GOAL SETTING THAT WORKS part 7