Skip to content

Dealing with relationship anxiety

Dealing with relationship anxiety

Do you suffer from relationship anxiety?  Does getting into a new relationship cause you anxiety?  How do you overcome relationship anxiety?

Kelly mentions that she wants to get into a relationship, but she feels she can’t.  She suffered from stress and emotional abuse in her past relationship.  Now, she always wonders and says, “How can I overcome relationship anxiety that is affecting me?” 

One of my colleagues that I worked with used to say that he has a hard time trusting women.  When I asked him for the reason behind his feelings, he explained that his ex-wife took half of the house that he owned when they got divorced.  Hence every time he finds a potential woman that he is attracted to, he gets afraid that the new woman will do the same and ends up going away as relationship anxiety fills his mind. 

As you can see from the previous examples, relationship anxiety is a major issue for many people.  Relationship anxiety affects millions of people daily.  There are many men and women who want to get into a new relationship, but are afraid to do so as they have suffered from their previous relationships or watched someone else go through a stressful relationship like their parents or friends.

Dealing with relationship anxiety

If your goal is to learn how to deal and reduce your relationship anxiety, then follow the quick guide below:

1.  Examine the root cause

First you have to examine the root cause.  Ask yourself, what part of your previous relationship keeps affecting you?  Did your partner abuse you emotionally?  Physically?  Cheated on you?  Betrayed you?  Was suspicious of you?  Perhaps, your parents had relationship anxiety?  Whatever the cause is, you have to know what it is first as you can’t solve something if you are not aware of it.

2.  Focus on the present

After you have examined the root cause, you have got to focus on living in the present.  Understand that just because you experienced relationship anxiety in your previous relationship, that doesn’t mean you are going to experience the same stress in the new relationship.  

Often couples bring their experiences from their past relationships to the new ones including negative experiences.  For example, a woman who had a controlling partner will usually be afraid to fall in love and get into a new relationship due to the anxiety she has experienced in her previous relationship. 

The solution is to learn to focus on living in the present time and not let your past experiences keep you from getting into a fulfilling and prosperous relationship. 

3.  Change internally

There is a law that says, “As within so without.”  If you believe that your next relationship is going to be filled with anxiety and stress, then I guarantee you will experience that. 

I know a woman who keeps getting into various relationships, yet every time she meets a man, he is similar to the previous person she ended her relationship with.  I explained to her that she will keep attracting the same type of men unless she changes her focus, her view on relationships with men, and what she believes in terms of what type of guy she can have a relationship with. 

In other words, she has to create harmony with the type of man she intends to attract and be with.  If her focus stays on the fact that most men are controlling, abusive, or any other negative attribute, then this is what she will get. 

I explained in my book “How to win your lover’s heart” that changing your inner world is crucial if you really want to attract the partner that you need into your life.  Otherwise, you would stay getting the same results.

Many scientists have confirmed that to be able to change anything about your outer world, you have to change internally first. 

How do you do that?  There are many ways to help you change internally, but one of the best methods you can use to change yourself internally is by changing your focus.  When you change your attention and focus from relationship anxiety to the beauty of being in a relationship, your outer world will start to change and reflect that change. 

This is a powerful technique that if you apply it to your relationships and life in general, it will have miracles in your life.  It has worked wonderfully in my life and once I was able to change internally, I was able to attract the woman who has over 95% of the attributes I want into my life.

Always remember what Mahatma Gandhi said: “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.”

Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away. How to win your lover’s heart was released by to help you win and capture your lover’s heart and avoid breakups.  To check books, click here

For more information, read:

How to save your relationship and marriage

How to build healthy relationships

6 steps to improve your relationship with your spouse

Win your lover's heart The ultimate guide to achieve your goals How to have peace of mind


  1. You make some excellent points. If we don’t change our beliefs, our external reality won’t change and we’ll just continue to attract the same kind of partners over and over again.

    Another great way to change your beliefs is to use visualization as a tool. Your beliefs will affect your visualizations. For example, your colleague would’ve had a hard time seeing himself with a woman who treated him well and DIDN’T want to take half his money. By working on the positive visualization until it becomes truly comfortable and feels good, you can actually shift your energy.

    Melody | Deliberate Receiving recently posted..How I Turned My Body from an Enemy Into a Friend

    • Dia says:

      Hi Melody,
      Exactly, visualization is for sure a powerful tool. It helps to program our subconscious mind with what we want to achieve. We have to see it in our mind first before we exerience what we want. Overcoming our limiting beliefs and changing ourselves internally is crucial, so we can see outer changes. Thanks Melody
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  2. Pete Michaud says:

    I write about this sort of thing a lot. The anxiety is coming from your limbic system, which is an old part of your brain that protects you things like eating poisonous berries more than once–if you have a strong physiological reaction to anything from rotten Chinese food to a crappy relationship, your limbic system will cement that reaction in place to prevent you from harming yourself again.

    NLP focuses on these types of issues, so if you want to be released from your subconscious blindly trying to “protect” you from things like a fulfilling relationship, then find a recommended NLP practitioner in your area!
    Pete Michaud recently posted..Breakthrough Session June Tour

    • Dia says:

      Hi Pete,

      NLP is a great way to help us program our subconscious mind. It is worth the effort that the person puts in because when our subconscious mind is free from the limitations that we impose upon ourselves, we can achieve miracles. Thanks Pete
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  3. I experience relationship anxiety too. Being confident is important to overcome your relationship anxiety. I think insecure in one of the causes of relationship anxiety
    david@cures-for-heartburn recently posted..Apple Cider Vinegar for Heartburn Relief

    • Dia says:

      Hi David,

      Insecurity plays an important part in causing our anxiety, not only in relationships, but life in general. Building our confidence and learning the necessary skills are great to help us any insecurity we may have. Thanks David
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  4. “Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet.” Robin Williams
    Todd | Channelingmyself recently posted..Creatures of Habit

  5. Kenya says:

    These are all so very key. Just speaking with someone about a relationship issue and the main thing we noticed was that there was patterns that needed to be acknowledged and broken…
    Kenya recently posted..Making Love To The Cosmos

  6. rob white says:

    Indeed Dia. Our lives become incredibly predictable when we don’t clean up these root problems. Nowhere are patterns more prevalent than in our relationships — little wonder folks have anxiety about repeating the same mistakes. Our ability to change our mind and concentrate our attention on new ideas enables us to replace hindering habits for new ones can support a healthy relationship.
    rob white recently posted..Is God a Mule

    • Dia says:

      Hi Rob,

      Exactly my friend, we have got to clean up the root cause of our limitng beliefs and change our thoughts to what we want to achieve. Once we learn to change our thoughts and emotions internally to that of what we want and desire, then we can start experiencing outer changes in our relationships. Thanks Rob

  7. Frank says:


    I can see how anxiety in relationships can be caused. Now after reading this I know how they can be overcome. It is difficult to let go of something after you have been hurt but the only way to grow is to release the things that caused you pain. When you set yourself free from the anxiety of your past you open up the potential to a limitless future. Great post Dia.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Frank,
      Cleaning up our past, especially what is undersiable is crucial to living a harmonious life and build great relationships. If we keep focusing on what went wrong in the past, then we are not moving forward. Thanks Frank
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  8. Hi Dia,
    Thank you for writing this post. It is certainly valuable. But I’m being tempted to ask the opposite question: How to deal with “being single anxiety”?
    I hear all the time about relationships but hardly ever the subject of how to be a happy single? I know that I’m off the subject here but reading your post just induces these questions in me.
    Today I just had a discussion at work that’s related to your post. And I come up with ad hoc theory:
    Basically there are 5 types of men.
    1. Daddys (great for long-term relationships)
    2. Hunters (polygamists that like short-term relationships)
    3. Daddys turned hunters (those guys who got bored with being Daddys)
    4. Hunters turned Daddys (those guys who got bored with being Hunters)
    5. Confused (the most common kind:)
    Fun to be here,
    Derek Potocki @ Smart Goals recently posted..Be Careful

  9. Valerie says:

    Hey Dia I think I may have issue with this but not necessarily just toward romantic relationships. I have bad anxiety when I have to interact with new crowds and new social type groups at work and such.
    Valerie recently posted..Bistro MD Promotional Coupons

    • Dia says:

      Hi Valerie,

      You are not alone. One of the best ways to become more confortable in social situations is by practice. The more you start talking and approaching others, the easier it becomes. It is a skill that can be learned, but requires application. Visualization also is a great tools that helps reduce social anxiety. Thanks Valerie
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  10. Hi Dia,

    Wonderful post Dia. This statement of yours is very true, “changing your inner world is crucial if you really want to attract the partner that you need into your life”

    You have to understand why you made the choices you made. I always find that after getting out of one relationships into another you need to take time to understand what went wrong in the first relationship before jumping into another. This way you don’t find yourself in the situation of always making the same mistakes.

    My hubby was one of those that had a really bad marriage and was afraid to try it again. When we fall in love with someone that has really been burned it does take a lot of understanding and time. People have to remember Love does take time, and marriage is not something to rush into if your really want a lasting relationship.

    Great information you have giving people Dia, keep it up.

    • Dia says:

      Hi Debbie,

      Yep changing our internal world is necessary before we can see any outer changes my friend. It seems you were very patient and understanding towards your husband. This is really great. Yep, relationships need to be nurtured daily if we want to have a prosperous relationship. Thanks Debbie
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

      • Thanks Dia. By the way it is wonderful reading the wisdom that you do teach others. You are very good and you have learned many lesson from life.

        Keep up the good work.

  11. Sibyl says:

    Hey Dia: Really good advice and I think it is so important to determine if this is an issue you suffer with and work through any issues you may have with getting into a relationship. I thought the tips were all very useful and helpful. Great post.
    Sibyl recently posted..If You Want Things to Happen- It’s Time To Dream

    • Dia says:

      Hi Sibyl,

      Exactly my friend, before we can have a successful and happy relationship, we have got to work through all of the negative and limiting issues we have internally. If this can be done and it can, the rest is easy. Thanks Sibyl
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  12. Jk Allen says:

    Hey Dia!

    I think one thing you touched on that I have tried to always keep at the forefront of my marriage is focusing on the present. Of course there have been situations in previous relationships that weren’t perfect, but I’ve never wanted those situations to haunt me in a way that leads me to treating my wife a certain way because of the past.

    Great tips here Dia. You really know your stuff man! Thanks my friend!
    Jk Allen recently posted..These are the Tales- When the Smoke Clears

    • Dia says:

      Hi JK,
      Focusin on the present is crucial. It is great that you didn’t allow the negative aspects of the past to affect your relationship with your wife. This is something that many people don’t do, so you are lucky my friend. 😉 Thanks and have a great day JK
      Dia recently posted..Dealing with relationship anxiety

  13. Hey Dia,

    This is such a relevant topic for me. I was searching today about beliefs and how they affect our lives; especially in the area of relationships. Like your example above about Kelly who keeps experiencing ” bad relationships.”

    What I learned and you also stated is that beliefs create our reality because they are self-enforcing mechanisms by nature. We couldn’t have the experience of a great relationship if our beliefs about relationships are negative or limiting.
    Justin | Mazzastick recently posted..Stop Being Grounded Already – Why Staying in the Salad Bowl Isn’t Such a Smart Move

  14. elley says:

    I can relate to this 100% and thank you for sharing this.

    cahnging internally is not an easy thing to do, you have to be always reminded that your goal is to change; to be positive in whatever you do.

    Stay away from the past, otherwise the root cause will linger forever, and you’ll never find happiness in any relationship in the future.

  15. Hey Dia,

    I like to think that all my relationships are perfect, that would be a lie. There are people in my life that I just can’t let go, but they cause me super anxiety that annoys me to no end.

    It’s tough to get past it. Sometimes I think I’m over situations then a simple reminder takes me right back to that place.

    I think the biggest thing to try an conquer in relationship anxiety is to let it go. Holding on to something and harboring it only makes it worse and when you let it go don’t revisit it any more.

    That’s my problem, my mind revisits things and it brings back old emotions and anxiety about things that I thought I had let go.

    Thanks for sharing this.
    Chelsea Thomas recently posted..Subtle Changes &amp Updates