Can you change your partner
Many people often try to change others directly or indirectly and couples are guilty of that. How many times have you seen husbands try to change their wives? How many wives try to change their husbands?
What do couples mean when they ask their partner to change? What they usually mean is that there are some behaviors and habits about their partners that they don’t like. If their partner changes their behavior in those situations they would be happier in the relationship.
Jennifer complains that her boyfriend of 5 years is trying to change the way she dresses. She likes to wear tank tops and short skirts. He argues with her all the time and tells her to wear long skirts and shirts with sleeves instead. Jennifer is upset and feels that her boyfriend is trying to change who she is and the way she dresses despite the fact that she has informed him to accept her the way she is and the way she dresses.
What Jennifer’s boyfriend doesn’t realize is that if he changes his attitude about the situation and shows his unconditional love for her, she might have stopped wearing short skirts and tank tops.
Can you change others
Once upon a time there was a man who wanted to change the world and stayed trying for 20 years. Once he realized he can’t change the world, he decided to change the country, but couldn’t do it. When he found he couldn’t change his country, then he decided to change his city for 5 years and didn’t succeed. Afterwards, he wanted to change his family, but couldn’t. At the end, he realized that he has to change himself and that is the only thing he can change.
This man realized that if long ago he had changed himself, he could have made an impact on his family. His family and him could have made an impact on the town where they live in. Their impact could have changed the country and could indeed have changed the world.
As I mentioned in my book “How to win your lover’s heart”, real change always comes from within. It doesn’t come by force. You can advise your wife, husband, children, colleagues, but at the end, it is up to that person to change. Change comes from within all the time.
You might ask, “If I can’t change my partner, what can I do?” The best thing you can do that could make your partner accept your suggestions is by giving your lover indirect and subtle messages, so their subconscious mind accepts the messages.
For example, if you want your girlfriend or wife to stop wearing short skirts, you can say that “you look a lot better with long skirts and dresses” or “I love it when you wear formal.”
Remember the subconscious mind gets programmed by repetition, so the more you give your partner subtle messages without force, with constant repetition, your partner might change their behaviors.
Love is like a plant. It needs consistent, careful attention to thrive. Without it, your relationship is destined to wither away. How to win your lover’s heart was released by 2achieveyourgoals.com to help you win and capture your lover’s heart and avoid breakups. To check 2achieveyourgoals.com books, click here
For more information, read:
How to save your relationship and marriage
6 steps to improve your relationship with your spouse
Right on Dia! It also hurts when our partner tries to change us. It causes us to see them in a less than flattering light. Change does come from within. We have to be ready for change in order for it to happen. Besides taking on the responsibility to try to change someone is exhausting and like in your story a tragic waste of time. Thanks Dia!
Hi Dandy,
For sure my friend, change always comes from with in. As we don’t like others to change us, we should do the same. We can advice our partner, but the key is it should be done without force.
I didn’t realize you’d written an ebook on this subject Dia, that’s awesome man. You’ve made a ton of great points. Change must come from within. It can’t be force-fead. And as you mentioned, helping others change with love is really the only right way to make true change happen.
Great read Dia.
Hi Marcus,
For sure my friend, giving unconditional love is very important if we want to affect our partner to change. We can give subtle messages and advices, but we really can’t change our partner as it is up to the person to change.
I’ve learned that while I can’t change my wife, I can let her know how I feel. What she does with the information is her choice, but at least I shared some honesty.
Thanks for the post Dia.
Alex
Hi Alex,
Exactly my friend, we can advise our partner, but it is up to the person to change.
Awesome post Dia,
Haha, to change the world, you must first of all change yourself. Giving your partner a indirect and subtle messages is a great way to change them. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Samuel,
For sure, first we have to change ourselves before trying to change anyone. Giving subtle and indirect messages is an excellent way to program the subconscious mind.
I can’t change or control people – that was a huge lesson for me. I am getting ready to be married and May and understand that I am marring him “as is” Trying to make him anything other than who he is will only lead to frustration for me and our relationship.
Thanks for writing Dia!
Hi Katie,
For sure my friend, we can’t change or control people. The best thing we can do is offer our advice, and leave it up to the person to decide what to do with our advice. I hope you have a wonderful marriage Katie and best luck to you
Dia: This is an important realization for us all to have because it eliminates the false belief that we can coerce people into changing the way we want. The reality is that we would be far better off learning to always see the beauty in people … even in spite of their idiosyncrasies.
Hi Sibyl,
You have said it beautifuly my friend. We have to learn to see the “beauty in people.” This is one of the major keys to every healthy relationship
The only thing we can change is ourselves. We can’t forcefully change anyone; instead, we must use what we see in others as a reflection of our own behaviours. This way, we can learn what we are doing that isn’t desirable, and change it.
As Gandhi said, “Be the change you wish to see.”
Hi Stuart,
Exactly my friend, we have to change ourselves first. Change comes from within and we have to got to accept our partner as is.
Hey Dia,
Thanks for the sensational article!
I totally agree that you should not try to change people. Let people live the life they want to live. If it makes then happy why try to take someone’s happiness away. I learned not to try and change people at a young age, because I never want people to try and change me.
Do you and don’t worry about what another person says.
Just my 2 cents.
Thanks again!
God bless,
William Veasley
Hi William,
You have said it beautifully. Since we don’t like others to change us, we should not to change others. This is something that all people should learn to avoid getting into problems.
I don’t think we should try to change anyone. It’s all about authenticity and if we change the things that annoy us, change will happen in areas that we love. The package is what makes a person!
Hi JK,
Exactly my friend, we shouldn’t change anyone. We can advise someone, but real change comes from the person him/herself. Each one of us is different and unique and that is what makes the world so nice
Dia,
Very insightful post. I don’t think we have the right to change anyone. I do though belieive that we can persuade people to do things that would be beneficial for them. We cannot try to force someone to become what we want them to become. There are several ways that you can positively portray “suggestions”, like you stated in your example, to bring about reflection of negative behavior. This can include positive re-inforcement or even social validation. The goal is not to be manipulative but to present a solution that is a win-win for all parties involed. Or, you could love them unconditionally. It’s a lot easier.
Hi Frank,
Exactly my friend, we can’t change our partner or anyone else. Real changes comes from within, not by force. We can persuade someone, but then it is up to that person to change.
WOW!!! I ended a 6 year relationship because I was so miserable with him constantly trying to change me!! Now I am in a new relationship and trying to change him!! I know now to stop what I didn’t like about my last relationship and work together on this new one. Thanks for this totally useful post!!